put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
