I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
