It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
