Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
