I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
