So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
