I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize