Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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