that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
