Me. At least after what I've been through.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
