jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
