Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
