u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
