that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
