I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
