also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I wear drunk well.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
