i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
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