I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize