$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
he thought i was a dude.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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