Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
