how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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