I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
