We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
