I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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