oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
