Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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