I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You did what with his pubic hair?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize