They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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