I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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