He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
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