Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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