After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
