In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
