For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
try to milk me bitch
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
