Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Randomize
