my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
