apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize