Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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