Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
