I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
