im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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