he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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