And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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