Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I want to be your penis for a week.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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