I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
