a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
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