I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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