Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
