I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
This gyro tastes like lonliness
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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