I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
