i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
