it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
