My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I FOUND THE LEGS
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
