I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
