My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
