I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
time to smoke my breakfast
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
