That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
