ya dads aren't the best wingmen
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
