I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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