she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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