bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
