trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
