I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You are a genius and a whore.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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