just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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