Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize