i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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