I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
