i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
