just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
