Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
