i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
