I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
