the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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