life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
