I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
