The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
