You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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