Redeem this text for a blowjob
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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