you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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