when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
