Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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