This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
